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Ksenia Anske

June 3, 2016

I swear, I'll write a memoir one day

by Ksenia Anske


Illustration by Gizem Vural

Illustration by Gizem Vural

Illustration by Gizem Vural

Illustration by Gizem Vural

Or two. Or three. My mom called and gave me the secret news. It turns out my little sister gave birth to a son this winter and I HAD NO IDEA. She told mom to keep it secret, and today mom finally spilled the secret to me, making me swear I'll keep the secret, but then my sister showed up and mom gave her the phone and she told me the news herself, so at least I don't have to keep the secret now. Whew. But who the father is remains a mystery, and she won't tell me. And there is no internet where they are. Yes, they moved again. And so I became an aunt and I don't even know what my nephew looks like and I don't know when I'll see him. This is just like out of some crazy book. I mean, my whole family is this one dark mystery that I glimpse pieces of here and there, but the rest of it remains secret.  

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TAGS: It's very therapeutic to drink vodka after writing something like this, so please send vodka, I keep asking and asking, and nobody actually sent me vodka yet, maybe the post office won't let you?, FIND A WAY, I know you can, I'll drink to your health, and post pictures, на здоровье