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Ksenia Anske

January 12, 2016

The daily battle with fear and conditioning

by Ksenia Anske


Art by Alessandro Sicioldr

Art by Alessandro Sicioldr

Art by Alessandro Sicioldr

Art by Alessandro Sicioldr

"Do this. Do this. Do this. Don't do this. You're not doing it right. Do it like this. I said, like this. Do this. Do this." The constant directing and scolding and reprimanding that starts early eradicates something in you, the rush of spontaneity, the impulse to have fun, to simply jump around and do nothing and be happy for no reason but being alive. The fear sets in. "I'm not doing this right. I'll be scolded. I better do a good job." Girls get the heavy end of the stick. When boys are allowed to "be boys" which is total bullshit, girls are taught to confirm, to be good girls, and to watch boys have fun as reward. 

"Don't you dare come home dirty. Shame on you. Dirty as a boy. Go wash yourself." We can't get into fights. We can't tear or stain our clothes. We can't masturbate. God forbid we get caught. With boys it's inderstandable, "They have the urge." Which is another bullshit myth that we've been fed. Biologically a woman's libido is stronger, if we're reduced to talking about ourselves as animals. Which is yet another bullshit underneath the first bullshit. When we talk gender we reduce it to biology to hide behind bogus ideas. 

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TAGS: art, feminism, personal, battle, love, women, fear


January 4, 2016

How I decided to stop being a good girl

by Ksenia Anske


Letter.JPG
Letter.JPG

This New Year's Eve I noticed something, a pattern, a pattern I haven't seen before. I sensed it, it bothered me, but I was blind to it. It's rather simple. Nothing alarming or significant about it. Until you understand what it means. 

Every year on December 31st I call my relatives and friends in Russia to wish them Happy New Year. What could be wrong about this? Nothing at all. Except I AM THE ONE WHO CALLS. Think about it. Think about it carefully. Not once has anyone called me. No, I take it back. I think once someone did call, only I can't remember who. Usually my mom calls when she needs money, but not on New Year's. To her credit, this last year she called twice not to complain in hopes I'd send some cash but to share good news. Both times I was flabbergasted and afterwards, very happy.

Anyway. What I mean for you to see is what I'm doing to myself. Notice. 

I'M BEING A GOOD GIRL.

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TAGS: feminism, good girl, liberation, freedom, writing