Food is what I'm obsessed with. Repelled by. Drawn to. Annoyed at. Food was scarce when I was little, and plentiful when I was a teenager and lived in Germany, and scarce again when I returned to Russia and ran away from home and lived on my own, and then crazy, unbelievably abundant when I moved to US. Food was my weapon at times to control those who hurt me by not eating, and it was a source of comfort and fear when it was there, fear that someone would take it before I could eat it.
I was never deprived of food on purpose. It was more of an eat-while-it's-there kind of game. You snooze, you loose. From my mom's account I spit out her tit when I was 6 months old. From the facts, I had to be given a blood transfusion in a hospital when I was about 9 months old (or something) because I have developed dystrophia due to malnutrition. Did nobody feed me? I don't know. The arguing parties blame each other and in the end blame me for not eating.Read More