Drugs suck. They suck because they're lying assholes that promise you a rosy escape without telling you the price. They suck because I'll-only-try-this-once is a gateway to hell from which the road leads you one way and one way only. Down. They suck because they extend to you a helping hand, but when you grab it, there is nothing to hold on to. They suck because they change you who you are. They rob you of yourself. They mash you into gobs of misery that nobody around you will recognize for who you were before. They suck because they have no morals, they don't care for age. In fact, they love those tender hormone-overflowing angsty teenagers who seek some way to assert their control over life, to show everyone that they can do it on their own.
Royce's youngest daughter, Josey, has spent 49 days in a drug rehab and has returned home a few days ago, and we could hardly recognize her. "I feel like myself again," she said. And we did too. She smiled. She talked and talked and talked, all bubbly, a kid again. The sulky irritable and exploding little monster we got used to over the last four years was gone.
To all of you who sent to Josey cards and books and little gifts, thank you. Thank you. THANK YOU. It kept her afloat, it made her believe that people care, that she is not alone. But enough me talking about this. I will step aside and let Josey say her thanks and type up two of her short stories (there are dozens) and raps that she has written while in rehab. She has taken to writing with fervor, and the result will blow your mind. There is hard truth behind these stories. Get your tissues ready.
Thank you for all your support. I appreciate it. I'm doing really well. Sorry I never wrote back. Treatment kept me busy constantly. But I guess that's a good thing...this is partly my story. Thank you.
The blue-eyed angel lying on the cold hard concrete. No color left in her skin, lips as blue as the sea. She feels her pulse getting slower and slower every second. She lies there, the crescent moon above her. All the faces surround her, the laughter drowns her, the drugs consume her. What to do? Where to be? Brown power all around, needles and tinfoil everywhere. The darkness fills up in her eyes, her breathing becomes uneasy, pupils dart back and forth, sirens all around, then darkness...
The next thing she knows, she wakes up in a white room with this stinging sensation in her veins, the sounds of beep-beep-beep. The blue-eyed angel sits there, thinking, Where am I? Did I overdose? She realizes the beeping gets slower. Beep...beep...beep. And slower. Beeep......... beeeeep........ beeepp..... She wants to scream but nothing comes out. She lies there paralyzed, then beeeepp................beeeepppp.............beeeeeee... she flatlines...
I've been through a lot of pain. The pain tries to consume me, so I consume it. I try to let it go but end up bottling it up inside me. You can't see it, it's so far under. The boat has a leek that I can't fix. I'm sinking down down to the bottom of the sea. There's no way up. I'm just going down down, trapped under the wreckage of my own ship. Nothing to do, nothing to say. Little girl silenced by the pain, her daddy caused silence by the pain, her brother in pain...my story is like a never-ending book. This book ends when I let out my last breath. Nothing to say, nothing to do, no one to look up to. Lying on the cold concrete with tears in her eyes, no place to go, feeling like a failure. Till one day she is so strung out, wondering how she'll get her next fix...this man walks up and says, "Hey, you looking for some fast money?" Of course. She stands up and says, "Yes? What do you have in mind?" "Sex," the cruel man says to the little girl who is shaking from the cold. She follows him into a black SUV, she takes her clothes off to show him the product. He agrees and pays her $100 for a quickie. 30 minutes later she steps out of the car with $120. $20 extra for making him come twice. She walks back to the spot on the cold ground and calls her dope dealer. This went on for a year and a half. This girl right here is me. I'm the one that fucked with my life, no one else. Don't blame others for your actions.