Since I'm between books and waiting for final revisions on The Badlings from darling Sarah Liu, my editor, I have decided to go on a little adventure. In other words, I took my sorry ass out of the house. I didn't have to, but I thought it would be nice. I had it all planned. I thought I would read House of Leaves while on the bus (enjoying the fuck out of it, by the way) while on my way to the bank to deposit a check, the treasure of $11 I got from some company for some settlement for something. I also thought I would swing by a consignment store where I sell my clothes and collect yet another treasure of $7 there. By the evening I'd be rich!
So I ate a bowl of Russian shchi, packed the book and set out. I even looked up the bus schedule and was feeling very proud of myself. I was going to make it to the bank 15 minutes before it closed.
Then complications started.
I had to transfer from one bus to another, and of course as I failed to remember (since I don't commute) that around 4pm traffic gets to the point of hideous atrociousness, the bus was late. As I stood at the stop waiting for the connecting bus, the time was 4:45pm. There was no way I was going to make it. And the consignment store closed at 6. Then something else struck me.
I DIDN'T NEED TO GO TO THE BANK AT ALL.
I could deposit the bloody check at home via my phone via an app! I decide to do it right there and then, at the bus stop. The internet on my phone refuses to work. I panic, text Royce. He calmly says, "Restart it." I do. It starts working! I decide to try for the consignment store and go on the light rail train. I make it to the store on time! Yes! I get my $7 and promptly spend them on golden raspberries and gooseberries at the local farmers market. So much for making a fortune.
IF I GO OUT OF THE HOUSE AND SEE BERRIES OR BOOKS, MY MONEY IS GONE.
In the end I sat on a bench and deposited the $11 via the app, feeing like a complete fool but happily chewing gooseberries.
Of course, I got so excited by this entire adventure that I didn't get to read much of the book, and now I'm sitting on the bus on my way back typing this nonsense instead of reading, and you are reading this nonsense instead of writing!
YOU SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN WRITERS GET OUT OF THE HOUSE???
NEVER LEAVE THE HOUSE.
Oh, I also bought rye bread and sour cream for shchi. Bring vodka. Let's celebrate my first step on the way to becoming filthy rich, because you know what?
My bankruptcy is done!
I AM DEBT FREE!!!
Yes, as you remember, I have filed bankruptcy to erase my startup debt. Yes, it went through. Yes, I got the official letter telling them that my debt is gone. W00t!
Now. You were very brave to suffer through this post on gooseberries, shchi, and money. Congratulations. Prepare for the next post. It will be very serious. It will be about pricing your self-published books (because naturally I'm an expert at that).
P.S.: Oh! Oh! Forgot two more things. I got two ideas for two more books! One came from a reader on Instagram where I posted the picture of gooseberries and such. And the idea is, to write a children's book about unusual foods and their magical side effects. For example, "Gooseberries: when you eat one, you turn into a goose. When you eat two, you split into two geese, and that is how they make geese for Christmas. Golden raspberries: if you eat them, you start laying golden eggs." Etc. The other one I got from reading House of Leaves and from writing a short little flash fiction piece Anger. It would be called something like THEY and it would start with "They were going to die. There was no question about that." But not a single character would be named, also in a similar vein to Eimear McBride's A Girl Is a Half-formed Thing. It's a personal challenge. I wonder if I can do it. We shall see. I have added both books to my to-write list.